All right, so I bet you guys are freaked out with all that stuff about the Ghost Month, but hey, guess what? After that, [this Sunday, the 28th of August] it’s the next month, so all of us are gearing up here for the Mid-Autumn Festival! 

It’s also known as 中秋节 Zhongqiu Jie in Chinese, and it falls on the 15th day of the 8th lunar month, at the end of Fall Harvest. But since lots of us live in cities, we just celebrate it because it’s cool to eat mooncakes and carry/light lanterns, or even make them float.

And you know I’m like, so going to tell you a story about how this came about, and it goes something like this:

So like, a long time ago, there was this archer who was the best in the land, called Hou Yi. He had a real pretty maiden for a wife and her name was Chang-E. Hou Yi was a real mighty warrior, so mighty that he’d saved Chang-E from a river monster, but that’s for like another post. Oh yeah. In case you were wondering, Hou Yi is the dude in the two smaller pictures. Anyway, in this version of the story, Hou Yi and Chang-E were like, immortals who came down to the earth.

Back then, the earth was a real shitty place to live in, because there were like, 10 suns heating up the earth everyday. You know the drill, right? There were too many suns, nothing could grow, people were dying of heatstroke and what not, So the King of the Eastern Heavens summoned Hou Yi, and said, “Dude, you gotta tell these suns to stop, quick!”

You can kinda guess what happened next. I mean, since Hou Yi was an ace archer, he nearly shot all the suns down. But the last sun pleaded with him and was all like, “Please don’t kill me, bro! If you do, the entire earth would be dark and no shit could ever grow!” Smart move.” So Hou Yi was all like, “K,” and he went back to the King to tell him that he’d accomplished his mission.

The funny thing is, the suns were actually the King’s sons, and they were sun-birds, or something of the like, and so when the King heard that all but one had been killed, he had a hissy fit. He was so pissed off that he stripped Hou Yi and his wife of immortality, and essentially said that they could f&*^ themselves for all he cared.

Hou Yi didn’t give a shit about heaven, but he didn’t like dying, because he was conceited enough to think he should live forever. Whatevs. You know how epic warriors are.

Anyways, he like, went to look for the Queen Mother of the West, and he told her the whole story, made her sympathize with him, and she was like, “Kay, I’m gonna give you a pill, so split it between you and your wife and you’ll be immortal forever.” So he brought the pill home, but he had urgent matters to attend to, so he left the house again. All this time, he didn’t spend enough time with Chang-E, and she felt that she and Hou Yi were like, totally drifting apart, and he was also like, becoming more and more arrogant, boasting about how all the mortals worshipped him and stuff. She was fed-up with all his shit, and so she opened the box, and took the pill.

Hou Yi came back, and was all, “What is this, I don’t even - ” ‘cause he saw Chang-E ascending to the moon. He cursed and swore and all that, and became really pissed off after that.

This is the part where I say, and that’s why we commemorate Chang-E during this festival, but I bet you’d wanna know what happened to Hou Yi after that.

So basically Hou Yi was made King amongst the humans after slaying the suns, but after Chang-E left he became this dictator and pissed off lots of people. He also taught people archery, and his best student was Feng Meng. Feng Meng was also real proud like Hou Yi, and challenged him to an archery contest but lost. Hou Yi was pretty much all, “Bitch, please. You can’t beat the master at his own game.” Feng Meng got real pissed off and wanted to kill him, so he waited and waited.

When Hou Yi was hunting, he and his gang of dissidents clubbed him to death from the back. So much for being immortal. Some people say his spirit ascended to the sun to build a palace, They made Hou Yi a symbol of the sun and Chang-E the moon, so maybe Hou Yi did get his wish after all. Also, Hou Yi and Chang-E are supposed to symbol Yang and Ying energies respectively. Betcha didn’t know that.

Coming up next: Why we eat mooncakes, and why a rabbit and a woodcutter accompany Chang-E on the moon.

Happy Mid-Autumn Festival!

 

2 years ago · 108 notes

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    Lmao, this post gives me snorkels.
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    dude, this is exactly how i tell stories D:
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