The Dragon Mother
So once upon a time, there was the Jade Emperor, and there was a period of time when he didn’t give no shit about the people, which sucked. The Milky Way was ruined, and there was a drought, so peeps were sufferin’ and all. This green dragon came and he was real sad to see people suffering, so he repaired the Milky Way when the Jade Emperor wasn’t lookin’, and he brought rain to the peeps at night.
Anyway, the Jade Emperor found out and shit, and he was all pissed ‘cause the dragon didn’t get no permission to do what he did, and as punishment, he chopped the dragon’s head off. The dragon’s body was cut into many parts and it fell to the Earth. These parts rolled down to the Whitewater Mountain in the Kuocang Range, and after that, there was a dazzling light and three eggs rolled out from the body.
The eggs rolled down the hill and bumped into a Chinese francolin, which is a kind of bird. But the francolin didn’t give a shit about those eggs or her own eggs, which she asked the magpie to hatch, so the eggs rolled away.
The eggs rolled into a river, and onto some grass. There was a cow eating some grass, and when it saw the eggs it was like, “No way am I hatching them, bro,” and continued eating the grass.
So the eggs rolled on, and they came to a girl who was washing her clothes. The girl saw the eggs and she tried putting them on the rock, and continued her washing, but they kept rolling away. After that, she tried putting them in the basket, but the eggs kept fallin’ out, so it did no good, either. She sighed and she thought she could put them in her mouth so that they wouldn’t roll away.
As soon as the eggs were in her mouth, they rolled down into her body, and there they stayed. Straightaway, the girl felt so sick and she wanted to puke, but she had a vision of the dead dragon.
“Oh my god, please don’t puke those eggs out. They’re my only hope, ‘cause all the other animals rejected them. Please do me a favour and hatch them. They will so help the people and bring rain.”
So the girl was like, k.
She went back, and found that she didn’t want to eat, and only drink water. The days passed and she began to look more and more pregnant, and errybody in the village so obviously disapproved. Even her parents disapproved. Though the girl told her ‘rents that a dragon made her pregnant, no one believed her, which really sucked. Her belly became like, super large, and it looked like she was about to give birth, but she didn’t. She was like, totally pregnant for three years and six months. Her father locked her in a pavilion ‘cause of that.
That year, the Jade Emperor also decided that he didn’t give no shit about the villagers, and all the villagers blamed her fo’ it and said she was a jinx. The chief said that her parents had to strangle her, or he would burn their house.
Now shit had really hit the fan, and the girl’s father wanted to let villagers execute her and shiz. But the girls’ mother was like, “No way!” and she put rape seeds into a walking stick. Rape seeds grow into this plant:
Anyway, she bade her child goodbye, and said that she would come visit when the rape seeds bloomed.
As the girl walked, the rape seeds in the bamboo pole would be sown into the soil. The girl walked for like, a real long time, passing mountains and hills and shiz, and she came to this place called Cockscomb Cliff on Xiandu Mountain. She was so tired and thirsty, and there was no water around - the stream nearby there had dried up, and so the poor girl collapsed by the cliff.
When she woke, she realized that water was trickling on top of her. She totally wanted to know where it came from, and climbed the cliff. There, on top of the cliff, was a cave with water in it. She was saved! So she lived there in safety, for a loong, loong time.
A year later, the girl’s parents were feeling like, super sad ‘cause it’s been a year since she left. Even the father was super sorry that he tried to chase her away and he wanted to find her. So the girl’s mum was like, “Follow the rape flowers, you douche,” which is what he did.
So he followed the flowers all the way to Cockscomb Cliffs, He followed them all the way up the cliff, where he realized his daughter must be. He felt so guilty and sad, and he really missed his daughter so he called fo’ her.
“Wassup, Dad?” she said. There was a rumble and two dragons, red and blue rushed out of the sky. Her father clambered to the cliff and saw that his daughter was in the cave. When she saw him, she opened her mouth again to greet her father. Two dragons flew out of her mouth, and both father and daughter were all, “Whoa.”
She called out to her dad again, and the last dragon, a silvery white thing, came out.
“Remember to bring the peeps rain and visit me and your grandma from time to time,” the girl said, and with that, she died.
The girl’s father found her lying on the floor, dead, and he was wayyy upset that he never got to say sorry to her.
But the thing is, the dragons lived. They continued to outsmart the Jade Emperor and bring rain to the peeps. Once a year, the silvery white dragon came to pay respects to the grandma during Qing Ming Festival, bringing clouds and rain.
The villagers commemorated the girl, by calling the stream where she got the eggs White Dragon Stream. They also built a temple on Cockscomb Cliff and called it Dragon Mother Temple. On the last day of Chinese New Year, the villagers would make dragons and parade them to celebrate the new year.
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