A long time ago, there was an old couple. They were very poor. They didn’t want anything, not even riches, ‘cause all they wanted was a son. Everyday, the wife of this old couple would go to the Hall of Seven Stars to pray to the Big Dipper for a child. So, she would go to the lowest stream to wash her feet, then the middle stream to wash her body, and the upper stream to wash her face and hair. Then, she would change into clean clothes and go into the temple to pray.

“Please please please gimme a child, Big Dipper,” the old woman said.

She did this like, erryday, for three months and ten days, and finally, she was pregnant! She and her husband were like, so incredibly happy.

“Woo! We’re gonna have children and grandchildren!” They said.

Ten months later, the old woman went into labour, and she gave birth. She totally thought that she would so give birth to a boy or a girl, but she was surprised that she had given birth to a snake that had golden scales and wings!

“Dafuq is this freak of nature?” The old man said. “We should chuck it out, man.”

“No way, he’s my flesh and blood, and we’re so gonna keep him,” the old woman said.

Just then, the snake was all, “Hey Mum and Dad!” The old couple totes forgot about their squabble and were like, so amazed that the snake called them mummy and daddy that they decided to keep him. But just to make sure, the snake said, “Yeah, I know I’m a snake, but I’m still gonna be a good son, don’t worry!”

The years passed and the snake was right. He was smart and he talked like a grown-up, and he made his parents laugh and shiz.

Anyway, the old couple had neighbours, called the Piaos, and the Piaos were really rich. They had three daughters. The first one was ugly, the second one was sly, and the third one was beautiful and kind, y’ know the drill. When they heard that the old couple had given birth to a baby, they decided to go see the child. So they went into the baby’s room and lifted up the blanket. They gasped.

The oldest girl was all, “Is this fo’ real? Humans can give birth to such things?”

The second girl was all, “He makes my skin crawl.”

But the third girl was all, “Aunty has given birth to a dragon prince. Cool!”

The old lady got really mad at those remarks, but when she heard what the third girl said, she was a half as mad.

The snake, after hearing what the third girl had said, had fallen in love wit’ her, so after a few days, he was all, “Mum, I should totes be giving you grandchildren and shiz. I really like the third daughter, so can you help me ask for her hand in marriage?”

The old lady was like, “Um, seriously? You sure? I don’t think her parents would let her marry you.”

“Come on, Mum, just try,” he said, and so she agreed.

The next day she set off to see the Piaos. When she got there, the request for marriage died in her throat ‘cause she saw the head of the house and he was like, real intimidating and shiz. So all she did was scratch her fingernail on the mat of the house and went home.

When she got home, her son was all, “How did it go, Mum?”

“Oh man, I so freaked out and I didn’t ask.”

“Please ask, mum. You’ll never know till you ask,” which was true. When the old lady heard that she resolved to try again, and so she went back in the morning.

The day after, she set off again, and when she got to the Piao’s house, she fell silent again ‘cause she was so embarrassed. She scratched the very same mat for a while, and she went home.

“How did it go, Mum?” the snake asked.

“Um, sorry son, I freaked out again.”

“Mum, you don’t think I’m good enough for the third daughter too, right? Ugh, I’m so gonna return to your womb if you don’t ask.”

So the old lady was really grossed out, but she told herself that she would try again.

On the third day, she went to the house, and the family was getting seriously annoyed, especially the two sisters. They were all, “Why she got to come here everyday, man? You have a monster of a son and you still think you can come here to disturb us!”

“What’s up with you and the mat? If you keep scratching it, you’ll have to buy another one for us,” the second daughter said.

But the third daughter was different. She said, “I think she has something she wants to ask us. So please, don’t be shy. Feel free to ask away.”

So the old woman told the third daughter of the marriage proposal, but her father wasn’t happy at all. He was like, “Why the hell did you tell him he was a dragon prince for, shameless hussy?”

“’Cause I think he totally is,” the third daughter said.

“Dafuq is this?” the father said. “You dare talk back to me! Fine! Go marry him!”

“I think I will,” the third daughter said.

The father nearly died of anger. He didn’t want his youngest, most precious daughter to marry the snake, so he was all, “Well, you can only marry him if he does two things. This is the first. Ask him to bring me an egg with bones inside.”

The old woman panicked and rushed home to tell her son.

“She agrees, but her father insists that you bring an egg with bones in them.”

“That’s all?” asked the snake. “This is a piece of cake, Mum,” he said. “Pass me an egg.”

So the old woman did as she was told, and gave him an egg in a warm container. He coiled himself around it for one month and ten days. After that, he handed it to the old woman and said, “All right, you can give this to Father Piao now.”

Which is what the old woman did. When she placed the egg in front of Father Piao, he was all, “Seriously? I thought this was impossible! Are you sure this egg has bones in it?”

After he said that, the egg broke open and a tiny chick emerged from it. Everyone in the family was pissed, except the youngest daughter.

“Don’t forget about the second thing he must do,” the father said. “Bring me a bowl of ten li soup.” (Li is an old Chinese measurement for distance, so the father was asking for a soup that would stretch out to this distance.)

The old woman rushed back home again and told her son what he had to do, pancking. But the snake was all, “Chill, mum. I got this.” After he said this, he went out and started looking at the sky. The old lady had no idea what he was doing at all.

Soon, a flock of ducks called aully came. In Chinese, this duck is also called five li. When they flew by, the snake opened his mouth and smoke came out. The smoke surrounded the ducks and they dropped to the ground. He picked two of them up with his mouth, and went back into the house. Then, he told the mother to cook the ducks and invite his future father-in-law over.

Father Piao was all, “What? This ain’t ten li soup. It’s ordinary soup, yo.”

“But I there are two aullys in them, and two of five lis make ten,” the snake said simply. Father Piao was so stunned that the snake had outsmarted him like that. He had nothing to say, and had no choice but to let the snake marry his daughter ‘cause he passed the challenges.

On their wedding night, the snake asked his wife to close her eyes. She was like, k, and did so. When she could open them, she saw a real handsome dude in front of her, and she was very happy. But she had a few questions, like, “How come you were a snake?” so the very handsome dude explained everything.

“You were right.” He said. “I was the son of the Dragon King. I was told to come down here ‘cause the Emperor cannot have sons. Tomorrow I will set off to the capital and take the exams. If I succeed and become top scholar, you will be the future Empress of China. Take this,” he handed her the snakeskin. “You must protect this with your life, especially against fire. If it burns, it will be the end of me.”

The other two sisters were listening, and this really didn’t bode well, ‘cause when the snake set off, they came into the house and were all, “Hey! Wassup! Got any snakeskin here?”

The girl was pretty wise so she hid the snakeskin in her robes, making sure it was wit’ her all the time.

This didn’t last, and soon, when she was sleeping, her two sisters pulled out the skin from her and tossed it into the fire. The dragon-turned-human-turned scholar felt himself being sliced into two, and he changed into a dragon and flew to see his wife.

When he got into the house, he cried ‘cause his wife was so dead. She had killed herself ‘cause she thought he was dead. He felt really sad and cried the entire night. When day rose, he carried his dead wife to the heavens, where she changed and voila! She became a phoenix! The both of them flew up into the heavenly palace, and they have been living there ever since.

That is why the Chinese peeps pair up a dragon with a phoenix, which symbolizes a good match in marriage.